Many assume that the CEO is the loneliest job at a startup. I disagree. As the CTO, I carry different kinds of isolation, which comes with expectations of being the one who has all the answers, at all times, even when you dont want to answer. We are a 60-person company today. But three years ago, we were just 3, working from a coworking space, trying to hack together an MVP. Back then, I built every backend service and every API endpoint, and manually deployed them to our single-note setup on DigitalOcean. Today, I haven’t touched production in over a month.
Instead, I’m context-switching between high-stakes security audits, interviewing candidates, aligning product priorities, and trying to explain to a board member why adding “just a few AI features” isn’t something we can do in two weeks.
No one prepares you for how leadership messes up relationships with your team. I used to be “one of them”. Now, when I join a stand-up, people straighten up a bit. Suddenly, conversations shift. I’mI’m aware of how every word II say might be interpretedinterpreted. Even when I try to be casual. I am still the “CTO”. The worst part of this is that you start lying to yourself about what burnout looks like. You’re not allowed to be tired. Everyone else is looking to you for reassurance. You’re the one who says, “We’ve got this,” even when your gut says, “We might not.”
Still, I love this job. I love helping smart people grow into leaders. I love solving scaling problems, not just in code, but in culture. I love seeing a young engineer take on a bold project and watching their confidence grow.
But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss the simplicity of just writing code.
I sometimes dream of taking six months off. No Slack. No 1:1s. Just a small open-source project, a quiet coffee shop, and a pair of noise-canceling headphones. But not yet. We’re close to something real here. The product’s working. Users are sticking.
And despite everything, the pressure, the chaos, the endless battle against entropy, I still believe in what we’re building.
So I’ll show up Monday morning, open my calendar, and start again.
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